Let’s do the topics in chronological order:

Bourdain’s No Reservation covered “obsessive” behavior in food on March 8th. Here’s a snippet of him interviewing Jason Perlow, one of the “egullet” guy, ending with Steve Shaw, another one of the “egullet” guys.

Can these guys be more painful? You know you wanted to turn the TV off when Shaw started spouting off about what a rich (fat) fuck he used to be, interjected with a bit of self-loathing.

With the quick editing, it’s obviously Tony B wants you to dislike these guys. I can do dislike very well. Crux of segment: restaurant bloggers are now a buncha annoying Twatting farts, especially the dudes with the biggest SLRs (think Canon 5D Mark II with the 16-35mm Coke Can). And now, in soliloquy form, please note this site owner is indeed a Canon 5D owner, hence had to be introspective during the 10 minute segment. Tony Bourdain thinks what’re we’re doing is retarded. And it kinda is. So enjoy your damn food, but not too much

This past week, some sorta food blogging pyramid scheme was initiated? No idea what I’m talking about? This is what I’m talking about. A buncha of published (or soon-to-be published) food bloggers (which, again, are not restaurant bloggers, since they mostly refuse to eat out) recently joined their cosmic celebrity forces to build a new website to “connect the food bloggers” and provide “free advice” on “how to blog”. Oh lord.

On the 27th, they gave a seminar, covering topics such as, and you’ll LOVE this: “food blogging as a career”, and how to be famous like Steamy Kitchen by following just 4 little words. When I first heard of this activity, I thought: Tony Fucking Robbins just mashed with published food bloggers, ZOMG! Then hilarity ensued. The dude who spoke of “food blogging as a career” actually worked with Tony Robbins. Can I get an “LOL”? Second thing I thought when I stumbled upon this “seminar”: Tony Vu. Ain’t it weird the chics giving the seminar were mostly… Asian? ZOMG! ZOMG! Don’t get me wrong, I mostly love Asians but…

Their proposition is RIDICULOUS. No one mentioned factors of timing, social skills (which a lot of hide-behind-the-screen “bloggers” do not have), talent (which a lot of us just also do not have), and, dare I go there? A wee bit of luck. No matter how many seminars you take, some of you (er, some of “US”) won’t make money except the few piddly dollars Foodbuzz/BlogHer (god forbid you’re a guy) pays out per month. The only person getting rich are the seminar producers, hence, Tony Robbins/Tom Vu + food bloggers Mashup.

Realize this: that boring po-dunk almond jello recipe will NEVER get a book deal ala This is Why You’re Fat, or a TV show ala Alie & Georgia. And some of your stories will NEVER be published on LA Times, ditto to that total snore of a restaurant write up. Really, never. But this doesn’t mean you can’t have some EF YOU N doing what we all do, because you can’t beat these kickass comments for pure entertainment value!

By the way, did any of the attendees speak of how Foodbuzz pay them double for click-throughs cause they’re famous? And BlogHer gives big bloggers priority to ad pools which basically leaves the 250,000 other bloggers competing for a minuscule amount of ad revenue? Probably not. Did ANYONE mention the SEO shit they supposedly taught is available as a book with far superior information? The book is called SEO: Search Engine Optimization Bible?

It’s amazing what googling can find nowadays. I think Google is still free, unlike this food blogging class.

Also note Anthony Bourdain’s mockery when Steven Shaw mentioned he’s teaching an 8 week, $800 “class” on food blogging – click to see hilariousTravel Channel video.

That said, apparently Chef Evan Kleiman was a speaker. She’s awesome as can be and LA food media scene revolves around her along with J Gold and… no one else. Respect. So if you paid to see a star chef-restauranteur speak, like this lady, then wanted to stand in the middle of a circle jerk with some near-celebs, cool. If you think you were gonna be able to quit your day job cuz you have a crappy food blog, I have this bridge I’m selling.

Finally, as a follow-up to part I: Grant Achatz tells you to sod off with the video cameras and cameras at his restaurant. This is more of a personal reminder than anything else. The only person I ever want to bother at the table is the wife. Everyone else: I’m sorry for the photos I’ve taken during the last 5 years. Seriously, who needs a picture of a shitty bowl of seolleongtang from NYC’s Ktown circa 2004?

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