Let’s do the topics in chronological order:

Bourdain’s No Reservation covered “obsessive” behavior in food on March 8th. Here’s a snippet of him interviewing Jason Perlow, one of the “egullet” guy, ending with Steve Shaw, another one of the “egullet” guys.

Can these guys be more painful? You know you wanted to turn the TV off when Shaw started spouting off about what a rich (fat) fuck he used to be, interjected with a bit of self-loathing.

With the quick editing, it’s obviously Tony B wants you to dislike these guys. I can do dislike very well. Crux of segment: restaurant bloggers are now a buncha annoying Twatting farts, especially the dudes with the biggest SLRs (think Canon 5D Mark II with the 16-35mm Coke Can). And now, in soliloquy form, please note this site owner is indeed a Canon 5D owner, hence had to be introspective during the 10 minute segment. Tony Bourdain thinks what’re we’re doing is retarded. And it kinda is. So enjoy your damn food, but not too much

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This past week, some sorta food blogging pyramid scheme was initiated? No idea what I’m talking about? This is what I’m talking about. A buncha of published (or soon-to-be published) food bloggers (which, again, are not restaurant bloggers, since they mostly refuse to eat out) recently joined their cosmic celebrity forces to build a new website to “connect the food bloggers” and provide “free advice” on “how to blog”. Oh lord.

On the 27th, they gave a seminar, covering topics such as, and you’ll LOVE this: “food blogging as a career”, and how to be famous like Steamy Kitchen by following just 4 little words. When I first heard of this activity, I thought: Tony Fucking Robbins just mashed with published food bloggers, ZOMG! Then hilarity ensued. The dude who spoke of “food blogging as a career” actually worked with Tony Robbins. Can I get an “LOL”? Second thing I thought when I stumbled upon this “seminar”: Tony Vu. Ain’t it weird the chics giving the seminar were mostly… Asian? ZOMG! ZOMG! Don’t get me wrong, I mostly love Asians but…

Their proposition is RIDICULOUS. No one mentioned factors of timing, social skills (which a lot of hide-behind-the-screen “bloggers” do not have), talent (which a lot of us just also do not have), and, dare I go there? A wee bit of luck. No matter how many seminars you take, some of you (er, some of “US”) won’t make money except the few piddly dollars Foodbuzz/BlogHer (god forbid you’re a guy) pays out per month. The only person getting rich are the seminar producers, hence, Tony Robbins/Tom Vu + food bloggers Mashup.

Realize this: that boring po-dunk almond jello recipe will NEVER get a book deal ala This is Why You’re Fat, or a TV show ala Alie & Georgia. And some of your stories will NEVER be published on LA Times, ditto to that total snore of a restaurant write up. Really, never. But this doesn’t mean you can’t have some EF YOU N doing what we all do, because you can’t beat these kickass comments for pure entertainment value!

By the way, did any of the attendees speak of how Foodbuzz pay them double for click-throughs cause they’re famous? And BlogHer gives big bloggers priority to ad pools which basically leaves the 250,000 other bloggers competing for a minuscule amount of ad revenue? Probably not. Did ANYONE mention the SEO shit they supposedly taught is available as a book with far superior information? The book is called SEO: Search Engine Optimization Bible?

It’s amazing what googling can find nowadays. I think Google is still free, unlike this food blogging class.

Also note Anthony Bourdain’s mockery when Steven Shaw mentioned he’s teaching an 8 week, $800 “class” on food blogging – click to see hilariousTravel Channel video.

That said, apparently Chef Evan Kleiman was a speaker. She’s awesome as can be and LA food media scene revolves around her along with J Gold and… no one else. Respect. So if you paid to see a star chef-restauranteur speak, like this lady, then wanted to stand in the middle of a circle jerk with some near-celebs, cool. If you think you were gonna be able to quit your day job cuz you have a crappy food blog, I have this bridge I’m selling.

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No Cameras

Finally, as a follow-up to part I: Grant Achatz tells you to sod off with the video cameras and cameras at his restaurant. This is more of a personal reminder than anything else. The only person I ever want to bother at the table is the wife. Everyone else: I’m sorry for the photos I’ve taken during the last 5 years. Seriously, who needs a picture of a shitty bowl of seolleongtang from NYC’s Ktown circa 2004?

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  • http://www.protocolsnow.com Protocol Snow

    Maybe it’s just me, but I’m very self-conscious when it comes to photographing in restaurants. I’m extremely discrete: no more than 10 seconds per dish, no flash, no auto-focus assist light, no standing up or moving around the table for positioning. And many times I’ll just leave the lens cap on throughout the meal if the mood isn’t right.

    Some of the food blogs I read have blogger dinners, and they’ll post photos with 5-6 high power SLR lenses all aimed at the same poor dish. The wahjah that washes over me can be quite powerful.
    .-= Protocol Snow´s last blog ..Shin-Sen-Gumi Hakata Ramen – Rosemead, CA =-.

  • http://www.recenteats.blogspot.com sku

    Damn you SinoSoul! Here I was just about to quit my job because I assumed that my whiskey reviews were on the brink of going all Julie and Julia with a major motion picture deal and you go and rain all over the parade. And what the hell am I going to do with all of these head shots now?
    .-= sku´s last blog ..Happy Easter Candy! =-.

  • http://www.weezermonkey.com weezermonkey

    This may be my favorite post of yours ever. And, yet, I’m still obsessed…but not to the point of giving up my career as a lawyer.
    .-= weezermonkey´s last blog ..Even More Bazaar =-.

  • TonyC

    I worry about you sku… First, photos (gasp!) on your site, now head shots. You don’t want the Dear Wife to leave you, do you?

  • http://www.recenteats.blogspot.com sku

    I’m beginning to think that if all of the food bloggers gave up their day jobs, there would be a major shortage of lawyers out there.
    .-= sku´s last blog ..Happy Easter Candy! =-.

  • http://www.rantsandcraves.com Daily Gluttony

    Tom Vu? I love Tom Vu! “Look at ALL I have!” LOL

    I wonder if DSLR’s are quickly becoming the “I-drive-a-big-truck-to-compensate-for-something-else-I’m-lacking” of the food blogging world. Oh wait. I pull my DSLR out all the time at restaurants. And it’s a big one too. Crap!
    .-= Daily Gluttony´s last blog ..Bibimbapquinoa: A Healthy Twist on a Korean Favorite =-.

  • http://www.nomsnotbombs.com NomsNotBombs

    WAIT. I can’t take my tripod with me into Bouchon?! OR abandon real work in favor of blogging my life away?

    Who the hell has the money to attend those ridiculous seminars??

  • kristina

    That Steve Shaw guy looks like Newman from Seinfeld.
    It took me 2 hours to be able to write this because I have been laughing that long since reading this. You are hilarious.

  • http://eattraveleat.blogspot.com Eat. Travel. Eat!

    Haha, I agree about the luck part :). Some people are just lucky to get ultra popular, others not. The first link doesn’t work and I can’t find it on her website either. And I’ve gotten so little out of my ads. For now it’s still “imaginary” money as it hasn’t reached 100 yet!
    I take photos like Protocol Snow does. Getting out of your seat to take a photo gathers a lot of attention! I only move around if the lens can not focus which happens at times.

  • TonyC

    ETE, she apparently took down her post due to my linkback, which is a SHAME, cuz she paid GOOD money for her seminar and now… not even the google hits will reach her. I’ve since linked the cached results from Google, and linked to another post on the same event.

  • The Hungry Hippo

    Hilarious!

    Fyi, Anthony Bourdain will be at the Royce Hall/ UCLA on Wed, June 16th.

  • http://eattraveleat.blogspot.com Eat. Travel. Eat!

    TonyC,
    Tis a shame! She would have gotten some ad $ with my visit anyway…

  • http://www.kikimaraschino.blogspot.com Kiki Maraschino

    Yeah, I went to that thing spontaneously and can;t say I learned anything. No one seemed to be networking either. I wanted to stand up and say, “Let’s all link to each other and read each other’s blogs and recommend them to one friend each.” Now, there’s your pyramid scheme. Oh, and the giy said maybe my bounce rate was high because my blog is boring. How could it be boring? I have a Canon Rebel XT!

  • aizan

    you take a canon 5d into restaurants? that thing is huge!

    get with the times, tony. it’s all about the ricoh gxr with the a12 unit (50mm macro). 28mm unit comes out later this year, so you can take nice pictures of the restaurant’s dining area.

  • TonyC

    lol aizan, GXR + 50mm macro combo is $1300? GXR is gonna die the way of the micro four thirds bro… I carry the 5d only when my penis is small for the day, otherwise, most of the shots are taken with the Canon S90. Not that one can tell the difference…

  • aizan

    nah, aps-c compacts and m4/3 are the wave of the future. don’t fight it. resistance is futile.

  • http://inomthings.com ila

    the dslr = small penis thing? srsly. because you know, since i dont have a penis and all.

    i secretly love your snarky posts, but please don’t tell the foodblogging gods.
    .-= ila´s last blog ..Sunny Side Up. =-.

  • http://www.famishedfoodie.com Famished Foodie

    tehe…hilarious. my blog decided to go on hiatus at the end of the month. Had to start one to find out that I suck at taking pictures and my writing skills are crap too. I think most people do it to get some comped meals but I’m thinking just going out on dates would be less work.
    .-= Famished Foodie´s last blog ..Downtown Farmer’s Market & Art Walk =-.

  • ilikepandas

    where’s the like button?

  • http://www.cozymbtshoes.com Cheap Mbt Shoes

    Great journey and experience!

  • Pingback: So You Think This Is A Pyramid Scheme?! | Network Marketing Mastery Tools


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