10 Posts I don’t want to read on your (or my) inconsequential food blog:
1. Yet another Mac & Cheese recipe.
2. Yet another report on awesomeness of Kogi (as well as every restaurant owned by Roy Choi/David Chang/S. Yoon/Korean fusion bullllshiiet chef – Namu? inedible) & Din Tai Feng.
Everyone secretly detests every food trend. This is America, the land of “We Do Big Things”. Being a sheepy prosumer isn’t doing anything big.
3. That 100th fabulous dinner you had for free
Gdamn I’m guilty. But I’ve only had 99 fabulous free dinners. My excuses: I was poor when we were growing up, AND I was beaten into a submission by a passive aggressive Tiger Mom (see post script below) into eating every grain of rice in my bowl.
4. Weird shit you’ve eaten/pining to eat, or a eating competition, or eating competitions of weird shit.
I ate cow cod, but I’m not jerking off thinking about eating more dick. Don’t want to participate in a “crawl” to eat every bug found in Los Angeles, nor constantly tell foodies that cow brains are “soooooo good”. There’s nose-to-tail cuisine because a 3rd world life style demands such, and there’s some ugly fucker pretending to enjoy eating arachnids on TV. Don’t be an ugly fucker.
5. Meaningless shtick with vague culinary associations meant to shock & awe.
The “Julie & Julia” movie watching guy comes to mind. O LORD. There’s nothing foodielicious about you watching a dumbfuck movie about a slut-whore (Jezebel, where you at?) leaving her husband just to bang pigs with knives. Andrew Zimmern’s entire show. (also refer to #4 above); the guys who shoot videos about making moronic dishes; the nugget martini flub; eating all of Shopsin’s.
6. Anything about Filipino & Ethiopian food.
7. Fast food. Or anything related to fast food. A blog with the words “fast food” in it? Just let your domain expire.
If you’re writing about restaurants, I don’t want to read about your 10 mile run, ever. Bruni can write about his workout regimen, but you’re not Bruni. And Bruni “retired”.
9. Blogger circle jerks, especially those with photos.
I don’t want to see photos of other food bloggers unless they look like Anna K. We’re mostly ugly. Don’t take a picture of me (unless you’re Alhambra Source) & I won’t take a picture of you. I’d loath to think some people may actually wack off to pictures of some of the vilest people you’ll ever lay your eyes on.
What makes a cool ass read :
[NB: sorry Robyn, I know no pets in your household, but I’m a sucker for giant paws.]
Stuff growing: Make Me Hungry.
Sex tips: My Man’s Belly on tonguing.
Ron Jeremy prefers food to sex now. But he’s banged like.. o.. 1000s of women and is more hung than then a sopressata. The rest of us prefers poon to pork, always.
Jewish food, and, or Jewish people eating Chinese food:
stolen from Fork In the World
Foodiot on wheels: Preferably motorized, but human powered is a-ok as well.
Other kinds of hot reads TBA.
And now, for some NFC — No Food Content
As much as I loath to quote HuffPo, this Jewish Mom piece made me LOL and deserves perhaps more attention than Tiger Mom’s failed attempt at tongue-in-cheek.