10 Posts I don’t want to read on your (or my) inconsequential food blog:

1. Yet another Mac & Cheese recipe.

Google Search Mac & Cheese

2. Yet another report on awesomeness of Kogi (as well as every restaurant owned by Roy Choi/David Chang/S. Yoon/Korean fusion bullllshiiet chef – Namu? inedible) & Din Tai Feng.

Everyone secretly detests every food trend. This is America, the land of “We Do Big Things”. Being a sheepy prosumer isn’t doing anything big.

3. That 100th fabulous dinner you had for free

Gdamn I’m guilty. But I’ve only had 99 fabulous free dinners. My excuses: I was poor when we were growing up, AND I was beaten into a submission by a passive aggressive Tiger Mom (see post script below) into eating every grain of rice in my bowl.

4. Weird shit you’ve eaten/pining to eat, or a eating competition, or eating competitions of weird shit.

I ate cow cod, but I’m not jerking off thinking about eating more dick. Don’t want to participate in a “crawl” to eat every bug found in Los Angeles, nor constantly tell foodies that cow brains are “soooooo good”. There’s nose-to-tail cuisine because a 3rd world life style demands such, and there’s some ugly fucker pretending to enjoy eating arachnids on TV. Don’t be an ugly fucker.

5. Meaningless shtick with vague culinary associations meant to shock & awe.
The “Julie & Julia” movie watching guy comes to mind. O LORD. There’s nothing foodielicious about you watching a dumbfuck movie about a slut-whore (Jezebel, where you at?) leaving her husband just to bang pigs with knives. Andrew Zimmern’s entire show. (also refer to #4 above); the guys who shoot videos about making moronic dishes; the nugget martini flub; eating all of Shopsin’s.

6. Anything about Filipino & Ethiopian food.

Blech.

7. Fast food. Or anything related to fast food. A blog with the words “fast food” in it? Just let your domain expire.

8. Exercising
If you’re writing about restaurants, I don’t want to read about your 10 mile run, ever. Bruni can write about his workout regimen, but you’re not Bruni. And Bruni “retired”.

9. Blogger circle jerks, especially those with photos.
I don’t want to see photos of other food bloggers unless they look like Anna K. We’re mostly ugly. Don’t take a picture of me (unless you’re Alhambra Source) & I won’t take a picture of you. I’d loath to think some people may actually wack off to pictures of some of the vilest people you’ll ever lay your eyes on.

10…

What makes a cool ass read :

Puppies: ZOMG. PUUUUPIES. Or just a puppy.

Flour Child Blog's Gemma

[NB: sorry Robyn, I know no pets in your household, but I’m a sucker for giant paws.]

Stuff growing: Make Me Hungry.

Cutesy fartsy sketches (mostly because I can’t draw worth a damn): Eat Sip Chew, A lobster tail.

Sex tips: My Man’s Belly on tonguing.

Ron Jeremy prefers food to sex now. But he’s banged like.. o.. 1000s of women and is more hung than then a sopressata. The rest of us prefers poon to pork, always.

Jewish food, and, or Jewish people eating Chinese food:


stolen from Fork In the World

Words: good words, preferably written by lawyers who hate being lawyers.

Foodiot on wheels: Preferably motorized, but human powered is a-ok as well.

Other kinds of hot reads TBA.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And now, for some NFC — No Food Content

As much as I loath to quote HuffPo, this Jewish Mom piece made me LOL and deserves perhaps more attention than Tiger Mom’s failed attempt at tongue-in-cheek.

Somehow throughout the millennia, whether we were living in the desert, the shtetl, the ghetto or the Upper West Side, Jewish moms have also turned out successful progeny, despite all the kvetching.

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  • Anonymous

    Oh! I LOVE that Xmas cartoon. I swear, I thought it was for real, because it rang so true…

    And if the puppies are William Wegman weimeraners – count me in.

  • Agreed with all of the above. Roy Choi/David Chang/S. Yoon/Din Tai Feng are all less than impressive. (I hear from trustworthy sources that Ko is a total rip-off and not that good at any rate.) Aside from Dinersty’s General Tso’s, the “Chinese” “food” that Jews have historically eaten is as gross as most Jewish food.

    Add to your list: food blogs that pervert the English language and rely on fancy cameras.

  • Anonymous

    “Aside from Dinersty’s General Tso’s, the “Chinese” “food” that Jews have historically eaten is as gross as most Jewish food.”

    Um, really? And you know this how? Are you members of the tribe? And even if you are, the tribes eating habits vary city by city, so I am not sure that you can speak for All.

    Speaking as one.

  • Anonymous

    I respect 90% of this list. Especially the part about puppies. But…”[a]nything about Filipino & Ethiopian food”? I’m not sure if I should be offended or not. I mean, I’m not, I just wonder if I should be. Anyway, fun post!

  • Anonymous

    No need to be offended though many will. I am simply unable to pleasure in Filipino food. Not in Manila, not in our friend’s backyard bday/pool/engagement parties, and definitely not in LA Filipino restaurants.

    In college, this German chick (Ms. Norris, I think she’s an MD by now? Holler at me!) told me she’d rather eat MCD than Chinese food. It broke my heart but I still wanted to hit that bootie. It’s like that. Or not really?

  • Pretty sure I’m a major violator on multiple points. But hey – what are you gonna do?

    Although I LOLed at number 8. I can think of more than one person on my twitter feed doing that…and it upsets me too! 🙂

  • sku

    Great post all around! I agree with you on Filipino food, but not Ethiopian (though LA Ethiopian is no great shakes, paticularly since Fassica closed). And hey, thanks for the mention, but what gave you the idea that I hate being a lawyer?

  • Anonymous

    Didn’t mean to imply you hated your job though upon reading it seems difficult to construe the sentence any other way. Merely thinking about the great angst that’d shine through if you did despise your job.

    Thoroughly enjoy some Ethiopian cuisine, but the universal injera (much like tortillas) just kills me!

  • Anonymous

    Fair enough. Mark doesn’t like Filipino food either, and I still (kinda) wanna tap that. And when I cook Filipino food at home, it’s pretty Americanized, so maybe I don’t like Filipino food that much either (shh! don’t tell my mom!).

  • I try and have eaten my share of “weird shit”, but try to come at it from a Bourdain-ian standpoint rather than the arachnid eater. This post also brings up interesting thoughts, like what if someone posts Ron Jeremy’s favorite Mac & Cheese recipe? Which is >? …or do they cancel each other out?

  • Anonymous

    I do believe S&M are busy running their recently enlarged household so… replying on behalf:

    Hope you can understand, in accordance with the style of this post, that S&M (part of “the tribe”) replied with part sarcasm & cynicism wrapped around 2 parts tongue-in-cheek. They’re also trying hard to erase the history of this possibly bad Chinese food being ingested by American Jews.

    Finally, please let me know how to join this tribe! Unlike http://theshiksa.com , it’s too late for me to marry into a set of bubbeh & zayde.

    Thanks for reading/commenting!

  • Anonymous

    That’s a logic conundrum Jim, and much too difficult for someone who had to use “loath to” twice in a 300 word blurb.

    Speaking of Ron Jeremy: to this day I wonder how that guy got to be in porn.

  • You’re too funny. sorry, I’ll stop talking about my running, just didn’t want pple to think i was a fattie blogger.

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  • Funny! oink burp oink!



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