What’s a great birthday dinner? A few ounces of uber fancy JDM – natch – Kobe beef at CUT? A few sides of overpriced veggies at Mastro’s? Finally tasting the Budino after waiting 30 days for a table? No, no, no. Having the gall to tell The Chef that his lengua with green tomatillo sauce, served at a Santa Monica hotel restaurant bistro with French aspirations, is the second best lengua after E. LA street taco stand, and with The Chef accepting this as a great honor, is 1 part of a great birthday meal. The other part goes something like this: “we’re gonna eat EVERYTHING off the (Starter) menu”.

Hells yes obliterating the menu is almost as sexy as getting First to Reviews on Yelp. No, wait. First to Reviews are just not as sexy. Like the time we visited Palate and ate everything? Literally everything? That was hot. Padma hot. Please do not mistake this act of destruction as gluttony. I am so done with gluttony. According to End of Overeating, gluttony is last decade. This is about experiencing fanciful flavors, cornucopia of tastes, plethora of oral pleasure. Hell, variety is usually good, unless it gives you herpes.

Beyond the aforementioned lengua in green sauce, there was a triple onion comte soup, the savory tart (think a lousy pizza), the tarragon mussels, the chix liver “parfait” aka, bucket of avian guts, the North African merguez sausage and finally… the house baked bread, in a cool paper bag, with the fancy house arugula butter. There was some massive face stuffing that nite because that “we” in “we’re going to order everything”? Count ‘em. 2. Two people. Kids, there are starving children in Afri.. Downtown LA. Menu destruction is only ok when it’s a birfday.

Next time, the “Bites” menu will be the target. S Irene can have her steak frites. Btw, do NOT get the tarte. It’s a really bad faux pizza.

The Fig @ the Hotel Miramar
101 W. Wilsure Ave
Santa Monica, CA 90401
310-319-3111

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